Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Groundhog Day 2....also known as Tuesday.

And so another day begins....my alarm goes off every single morning at 5.50am. It's like clockwork; only it's not. It's my darling daughter singing away to herself in her cot. BF has nicknamed her Beyonce. As usual, we come down, she goes into her pram whilst I make her bottle, I change her nappy, feed her and then she goes into her pram and mickey mouse goes on. When she starts to get fed up, she goes into her walker until she's tired and then she'll have her morning nap. And our morning goes exactly like this every single day.

I'm a Gemini. I like change. I don't like routine. Of course as a mum, I have no choice, I have to!! I can't really complain though, for routine got me a baby that sleeps right through from 6.30pm. Now one thing I HATE is a mum that brags about their kid/baby to make other mums feel bad about the job they're doing in order to make themselves feel good. It's no competition. We all have different ideas about parenting. I feel victorious about the things I have accomplished with my child but I don't want to brag about them! I want to share my experiences to help others. I don't know how I'd cope if I was still doing night feeds. Well I do know actually, I'd be getting wheeled off by a couple of nurses in a straight jacket to the nearest mental hospital. I need my sleep!! So if anyone is having to deal with that, then I like to share my experiences if my advice will help them out. One thing I don't do, is give advice unless it is asked for. How annoying is that?!

Dealing with a baby with acid reflux has been hard work. Constant tears for both me and her, anxiety, sleep deprivation, shouting. Yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I know so many of us are; I shouted at my 2 week old baby to shut up. It was quite loud and I also swore. It was 2am and she had screamed without stopping for a breathe since 8pm. Of course, after I'd done it, I was even more of a mess. I felt so guilty. I hated myself. For gods sake, she was a 2 week old tiny baby; she didn't know what I was saying, nor did she have any other way of communicating. I regret doing that a lot. I was probably suffering with the baby blues and that coupled with around 20 hours sleep over 14 days does not bode well.

My mum told me about a time when she smacked me across the legs when I was 18 months old. As women go, my mum is pretty emotionless. But boy did she cry when she was telling me. 25 years later and that guilt still ate away at her. She also told me about her friend (who btw is one of those really nice people, so nice you think they must be hiding some big dirty dark secret; only they're not) who also shouted at her little girl when she was a baby. We should not under any circumstances under estimate the power of a new mums emotions coupled with sleep deprivation. I've heard sleep deprivation can be a Defence to murder. Having study law, I guess I should know that. Only, I don't, because my baby brain won't allow me to remember anything I learnt within those five years. I'm hoping it will do soon though.

I get a lot of help from my mum. She tells me that she doesn't want me to look back at the first year of Isla's life and see it as a time when I was really stressed out and unhappy because I'll only regret it; like she did. So far, apart from those initial weeks when we didn't have the right medication for her reflux, I have enjoyed my time with Isla. We are currently staying with mum because we haven't found a house yet. Six months of us all living under one very tiny roof (the BF is here the majority of the time too) and we are all ready to kill one another. More on that later though.

Back to Groundhog Day number 2. Tuesday. Another boring day of maternity leave. As much as I love spending time with my little girl, I hate being holed up in this place. We live pretty much out in the sticks so there is not a lot to do unless you jump into the car and going out means spending money, something which I do not have an awful lot of at the moment, it all being saved for this house we are hoping to get.

There is something special about this week though. On Saturday night I have a big night out planned with the girls. My first one in about 15 months. We plan to go out early, drink lots of cocktails and shots and dance the legs off ourselves until the early hours of the morning. Of course with this night out, comes a lot of required preparation; starting with an outfit. The famous body con dresses I once rocked are nooooo more. A stone of baby weight still hanging around my middle will simply not allow for it, but I still need to look as fabulous as possible. The quest begins. What can one possibly wear?

Answers on a postcard....

Dolly Daydream xoxo

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